Tuesday, 16 April 2013
What Robinson Said...
When Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, "You'll
never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new positionfor
lovemaking.""Really," said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. "What is
it?""Back to back.""But that's crazy. We can't do anything back to
back.""Yes we can. I've persuaded another couple to help out."
Microsoft and GM
Microsoft versus GMAt a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" And...
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.
Awesome FBI Agent
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.The first man walked
into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you
must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the
next room.
I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it."The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all.
Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun and went into the room.
The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming. The man came out of the room and said "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!"
LOL :D
I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it."The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all.
Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun and went into the room.
The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming. The man came out of the room and said "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!"
LOL :D
Absolutely Wrong Email Address
One of day...
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
A Smart Kids
A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem. A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)